


If Only

by Blodeuwedd



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 01:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blodeuwedd/pseuds/Blodeuwedd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for the Season 3 finale.</p>
<p>Just a drabble I wrote when I thought "what if Mickey was watching Ian leave?".</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only

He watches as the bus leaves, its wheels rolling noisily over the pavement, its fumes fouling up the cold morning air. Inside it is the one he yearns for, the only person he’s ever felt like he needed more than air itself, the one guy that carries within him his happiness. So as the bus leaves, so does his light, leaving behind it only the darkness that threatens to consume his heart. His life had never been much more than just surviving, not until the redhead came along. He’d never thought he’d mean anything more to him than a good fuck, would have run far away if he had foreseen it. He’s glad he didn’t, for he knows now what being truly happy means. The problem is, now that he knows it, how can he go back to the life he was having before? At that time, the “before Gallagher” time, he’d never wished for anything else, never hoped for something different, never dreamt of something better. But now that he knows what he can’t have, the weight of all that could have been, all that will never be, makes the shadows he’s immersed in even darker, thicker. He can never escape. There’s no way out. Maybe if he wasn’t such a coward, maybe if his father wasn’t such an asshole, maybe if they didn’t live in Southside Chicago, maybe, maybe, maybe… Maybe if he could will himself to move, to run, to chase that bus that leaves and takes away his… lover? Boyfriend? He doesn’t even know what they were. More than fuck buddies, he knows, he can admit now that they shared a deeper connection. He doesn’t know how to call it, however, and it doesn’t matter anymore, because whatever it was, it’s over. His… Ian is gone, won’t be coming back for years, is leaving him for good to pursuit his own dreams. And it’s better that way, he knows that. The other boy is way too good for him anyway. Now if only he could forget the redhead and their moments of happiness and go back to a time when he thought his life was good, before tire irons and bedroom fights, back rooms and booty calls, shared beers and random talks, moments in a roof and laughter and sweet kisses that made his life worth living. If only.


End file.
